Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
