I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
