..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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