i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
