Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
