i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
