If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
