I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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