Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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