please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
