Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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