every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
