Kiss
Puke
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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