I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Shame - the story of my life.
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