Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
