Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
