why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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