tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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