So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
