is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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