420 ftw
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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