I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hippo gnu deer
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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