i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
