just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
