one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
