im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
