she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
high people should be assigned attendants
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
