In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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