i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
