I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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