i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
