so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, beer. Big fan.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
