have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
