I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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