Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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