Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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