new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
