This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
