Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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