Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
