I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
