question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
