So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
