he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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