Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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