Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
