my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
