I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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