So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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