She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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