Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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