You really coming over, don't trick.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
