Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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