omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
